Belle's Magical World

Ah, Beauty and the Beast, the 1991 masterpiece of the Disney Renaissance that showed just how beautiful animation can be.

Belle’s Magical World was a direct-to-video midquel released on February 17^th, 1998. According to Disney canon, this DVD takes place after Christmas (which you can see in the aforementioned sequel) yet before the fight against Gaston in the original movie.

Everybody who’s known me for long knows that Beauty and the Beast is my absolute favorite Disney film. However, due to my media pack rat tendencies, I picked this DVD up on clearance because I had not yet seen the film, and also because even because of its supposed badness, I wanted to at least own the trifecta of the film I loved so much. Even after purchasing it, I only watched the film halfway before shutting it off out of embarrassment. And now I pick it up again to watch in its entirety to give this treacherous sequel/midquel/whatever the blasting it deserves.

The film begins with an intro done in craptacular CGI animation. It opens with a storybook, with a narrator (voiced again by David Ogden Stiers) and giving us a very brief backstory of the first part of the original film.

The Perfect Word

We open on – surprise! – the Beast’s castle, where the objectified servants are preparing for dinner. No more than three seconds into it, we are introduced to a brand new character in this soiree, Chandeliera. Naturally chandeliers are supposed to hang high above the table, and this causes Chandeliera to have quite the hearing problem! Only madcap hijinks can come of this!!

We cut away to the Beast dictating a letter to some unknown recipient, yet he doesn’t know what to say (or most likely how to write, since he had forgotten how to read in a bonus scene from the original film) so another new character appears, a talking quill by the name of Le Plume, played by…Rob Paulsen?? (Rob! No! You can do so much better than this! Run! There’s still time!)

The quill writes down what the Beast (played again by a voice-altered Robby Benson) tells him to say (standing upside down on his nose, I fear to ask what the ink is made of) and also suggests things to write when the Beast draws a blank. Writer’s block sufferers everywhere would kill for this guy. He then finishes the letter and jumps off to reveal a pad of paper that is also very much alive, Crane, played by…Jeff Bennett?? (Argh, Jeff! Come on! You’re one of my favorites!)

Crane tears off a sheet of paper (which apparently doesn’t hurt him) and calls to a messenger pidgeon named Witherspoon. He also speaks in the most dreadful and yet laughable Cockney accent. (Are only two of the characters from the film actually French?) After the letter is sent off Lumiere bounces in, played by the late great Jerry Orbach. He announces that “dinaire ehs sahhved” and that all should come to dinner forthwith.

On this very special episode, the Beast is showing signs of puberty, and asks Lumiere why Belle makes him feel nervous. Lumiere tells him that it’s all part of growing up and that the butterflies in his stomach and tightening in his pants are normal signs and – oh, never mind, he just says “Shay es ay woman”. Well, that explains everything!

After asked how to impress her, Lumiere suggests a kiss on the hand, which for anyone else might be a good idea, except for the creature who has razor sharp teeth and hasn’t mastered the art of actually eating yet. We cut away to Belle and Cogsworth (played again by Broadway legend Paige O’Hara and Major Winchester David Ogden Stiers) walking down the hall to dinner.

Belle’s talking about – surprise! – a new book she’s been reading, and Cogsworth says how wonderful things have been now that she and the Beast are actually getting along. Also, the animation shows that Belle has gotten a significantly darker tan, despite the snow on the ground showing that this is taking place during winter. (Stay tuned for the fourth film in the series with Tanner the lovably animated tanning bed, played by George Hamilton!)

After Cogsworth muses to himself searching for a particular word, a talking Dictionary speaks up, named – WAIT FOR IT – Webster! Played by…Jim Cummings?? (GAH! Jim! No! Not you too!) The Dictionary actually behaves more like a Thesaurus, spouting off all kinds of synonyms for whatever bland, boring word the characters happen to be spouting at the time (and there are many such.)

They enter the dining room, where Beast is mumbling and rehearsing to himself about what to say to Belle. He takes her hand, following Lumiere’s advice, and actually pulls it off! (The kiss, thankfully, not her hand, along with a delightfully cheesy line.) They sit down to dinner and Belle describes the book she’s been reading (which is never called Cinderella, but totally is) while Lumiere and Chandeliera bicker.

Chandeliera is hanging far too low to the table, knocking things over, hitting Beast in the head, and making things far too hot for comfort. (Temperature hot, not attractiveness hot, I assure you.) Her hearing problem is causing her not to fix the problem, and the fighting quickly starts ruining the meal, as well as the Beast’s flimsy politeness being severely constrained due to overheating under a magical fur coat.

Finally the Beast can’t take anymore and roars at Cogsworth to open the window, letting in a huge blast of winter air. Lumiere’s lights whoosh out, the china and others are all trembling, and the dinner goes everywhere. Belle tactfully reminds him that others are getting cold, and the Beast gives the childish response of “My castle, my rules”. (So much for puberty.) 

Something unknown from the original film, the Beast has a thug pimp slap.

Belle (losing tact by the moment) says that he shouldn’t be rude just because it’s his castle. Webster then chooses the worst moment to speak up with three synonyms for the word rude, which earns him a mean pimp slap from the Beast. Belle scolds him for it and leaves the room in a huff, causing the table to be overturned in rage by their host.

In another cutaway, Mrs. Potts (played again by Jessica Fletcher herself, Angela Lansbury) reveals that Belle refuses to leave her room and there is great rift throughout the castle. Lumiere then complains to them about how Chandeliera ruined the evening by hovering too close (who now amazingly can hear him just fine, despite not being able to while standing directly next to him the night before.)

As if that wasn’t enough, both Belle and the Beast absolutely refuse to apologize for the incident. The servants are angsting over the wilting rose, and the new character triumvirate (Webster, Crane, and LePlume) decide to take matters into their own, er…non-hands. Again, only madcap hijinks can come of this!!

The three of them decide to write a letter of apology from the Beast, but without the knowledge of the Beast, so that he and Belle can settle their feud. All goes almost smoothly until Cogsworth accidentally lets the letter slip and the Beast has no idea what he’s talking about. (Cue the three with cringing “OH CRAP” looks on their faces.)

Mrs. Potts calls the three out on it and they realize they need to come clean about what they did. And with the air of criminals appearing before a firing squad (and not without cause) they do. And the Beast decides to take in an air of forgiveness and not attack them – oh, wait, never mind, he lunges at them and chases them about the castle. After cornering them, Belle pleads for their life and he graciously just banishes them forever from the castle. (wait, what?)

They march about in the snow for a while looking for town, and then come right back upon the castle (I guess when people lose their human status they also lose their brains.) Belle is besetted by conscience at not apologizing to the Beast to begin with and rushes out to help them and ask their forgiveness. (Gah, can the morals be any less anvilicious?) 

On the rebound, Beast decides to get a booty call from a table of unknown gender. Kinky.

 

They quickly get the paper products next to a roaring fire (apparently the human person isn’t very bright either, for as many books as she reads) The Beast confronts them and gets the forgiveness from the forgers and from Belle. Now onto the unresolved side plot!

As the three detail their fake adventures battling forest monsters, Chandeliera reveals that she only lowers herself so close to the table because she likes to work more closely with Lumiere, who appreciates the balm on his ego and all is forgiven. And as the last anvil falls, they pan back out to the castle.

EARWORM: Listen With Our Hearts

Okay, I love Paige O’Hara’s singing. I have some of her albums. This song was okay, but I think it was very slapdash and cheesy, even by Disney song standards. Although that doesn’t stop it from sneaking in and getting stuck in my head EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I HEAR IT ARGH.

 

Fifi’s Folly

Before I even begin on this story, I gotta address it: Fifi wasn’t the featherduster’s original name. It was Babette. (It wasn’t said in the film, but it was her name in the script, just like Adam with the Beast.) I much preferred that to the name they stuck her with here. Do they have to go for the alliteration when there’s no reason for it? And Fifi…ugh, it just sounds like a dog.

We open on – SURPRISE! – the Beast’s castle! Where Babette – er, FIFI, is busy dusting around happily for some unknown reason. Belle finds out that it’s the fifth anniversary of her first date with Lumiere. And in comical sense, Lumiere has no idea of this until Belle decides to take pity on him and tell him. (Again, lack of brains here. I could understand if this was the first anniversary, but the fifth?)

And so, Belle decides to help him figure out just how to make this evening special for the pair. He then proceeds to try and figure out a romantic speech for the featherduster, with cheesy results. He also accidentally sets his piece of paper on fire, and almost the rest of the library. (Seriously, was this never addressed before?)

"IN-flammable means FLAMMABLE?! What a country!"

Belle tries to be the rational one and suggest to Lumiere that he should just “Keep it simple, stupid” and write whatever’s in his heart. Lumiere shoots that down saying that Belle “knows nohthang abaht  weman” and “wahds of lahve come to mah easy, but sincerity is impossahble.” It’s a wonder this relationship lasted five years.

Hey, kids! It’s time to guess the reccuring cliché theme of the day! Anybody know what it is? That’s right!

IT’S ROMANTIC MISUNDERSTANDINGS!

That’s right, it’s two for two! Belle and Lumiere are in the library trying to write a love letter fit for a featherduster, and using such unintentional innuendos as “we can’t do it here, someone might see us” and “we shall make beautiful music together” they get mistaken to be lovers! At the same time Babette – grrr, FIFI – approaches the library and completely misunderstands! What wacky hijinks can come of this??

 

After this head-smackingly bad scene, Belle and Lumiere head onto the balcony, where Lumiere tries to recreate the first date. More romantic misunderstandings abound as Babette – GAH, FIFI – sees them sharing “their song”, holding hands, and Lumiere telling his true feelings about the featherduster to Belle, but only being caught once the words are being said. (I tried to make a list of every film/TV show that’s done this, but my computer ran out of data space.)

Lumiere tries to come up with the words to say, but cannot, and Belle says “Just pretend that I’M Fifi.” (“She has no shame!” the featherduster laments. I’m struggling to keep my head out of the gutter.) Lumiere then tries to get the cursed musical instruments to prepare a song, alters a cursed washtub to be a makeshift sled, and Belle is still struggling to help him prepare his speech.

Le Plume makes another appearance (why, God, WHY?) and says to Babette – fuck it, I’m just calling her Babette from now on – that she should make Lumiere jealous in order to win him back. What ensues is a cheesy, uncomfortable scene that entails Babette hitting on a confused and befuddled Cogsworth. 

Do you like me? Check 'Yes', 'No', or 'Temporary Rebound, meet me in the cupboard'

 

Finally, after that fails to clear up the misunderstood cliched “loss” of his afections, Babette grabs her cloak and storms (er, dusts) out of the castle, only to be stopped by the amorous candelabra. After taking her on a ride in the bathtub – er, sled – and sweet talking her for a little while, she realizes that she was stupid to doubt him and relaxes again.

Lumiere struggles to get the words out, but cannot seem to make it happen, stuttering and repeating the same things over and over, with wax dripping down his face. Sultan, the dog-turned-footstool is running them along, and – le gasp – the rope breaks, sending them speeding through the snow with unstoppable momentum! (unless of course Newton’s first law of motion kicks in, but hey, it’s a cartoon.)

When Babette in a fit of ladylike hysteria cries out “What shall we do?” Lumiere sets the French back a hundred years with his brave exclamation of “weh shahl scraym lak bloodlass cowaihds!” (Is there a French word for victory?)

Then, we go into the age-old dangerous cliché – careening off the edge of a cliff – er, castle – and hanging by a branch, clutching the hand – er, cloak – of your love and never daring to let go! While Belle conveniently sees this go down and goes for help, the branch begins to snap and Babette will surely plunge to her untimely death! (Oh, Disney, can’t you go one animated feature without a soul-crushing fatal fall?)

Babette apologizes to Lumiere for not trusting him, declaring that she loves him from the very bottom of her heart. (Cue audience awwwing or retching, or both.) Lumiere says that he knows, and again struggles with what to say, despite that he could easily just steal what she said and could totally get away with it.

Belle lowers a long line of inanimate objects to lift them off the branch, when Lumiere’s pre-written paper of feelings flutters away with the wind. He stammers a bit until he finally announces those three simple words, just as Belle pulls them to safety.

Babette seems unperturbed by almost falling to their deaths and decides a big kiss is in order. Apparently the fact that her boyfriend has been courting her for five years without saying anything as simple as ‘I love you’ is in no way bothering her, and things can keep going just as they have. Ah, Lumiere, you lucky dog, you never have to learn.

"I've been burnt by you before." And you just got burned again, Babette.

 

Mrs. Potts’ Party

This is the ‘bonus’ featurette added to the special edition DVD, which oddly enough was put into the third spot instead of being tacked on at the end. Was it the right decision? Only time and me sitting through the rest of this picture will tell.

Mrs. Potts is feeling under the weather and declaring that the sun hasn’t shown in quite some time. Webster decides to give several synonyms about how depressed she is, while Belle awkwardly reminds her that the cup of tea she’s received is only warm water, with no tea being added. Despite the fact that I think tea is much better with hot water, but I digress.

We cut away to the Beast’s bedroom, where he is sound asleep. His bed sheets are torn and there is books and hopefully non-animated objects strewn everywhere. (I know the Beast is childish, he was eleven when he was cursed, but does he have to be a stereotypical child in EVERY part of this movie?) Lumiere and Cogsworth stand in the doorway, obviously not knowing from experience that the Beast could awake and turn them into scrap metal. 

......no comment.

According to them, he was up all night fixing the castle roofs and will be asleep all day. Apparently none of the servants were enchanted into something that could fix roof shingles. It’s so hard to curse good help these days. Belle and the objects decide to – SPOILER ALERT – throw Mrs. Potts a party! 

Things start off well enough, but they begin to squabble over the refreshments for the party, Lumiere or Cogsworth each wanting a larger portion of angel’s food or devil’s food for some odd purgatory layer cake. But naturally, it doesn’t go as well as planned. Mrs. Potts’ learns of the party and is even more depressed because everybody’s been fighting. 

The next scene frankly baffles me. All of a sudden they decide to put the party on anyway and she’s happy again. Nothing they did changed, but for some reason she didn’t mind that they gave it another try! I guess they were just in a hurry to get the movie over with, and I don’t mind that one bit.

Hang in there guys. It's almost over, and we can get into the GOOD movie.

 

EARWORM: A Little Thought

This song has absolutely no catchiness, no good melody, the lyrics are forgettable. Even the first song actually put some semblance of effort into sounding like a song. This one….just skip over this one. You aren’t missing much. (Except Belle showing a storybook with crudely drawn characters from other Disney films, like The Lion King and The Little Mermaid.)

Broken Wing

For our final featurette, Belle encounters a baby bird that has an injured wing. The dresser (who is even more like an annoying middle aged woman who’s desperate to be liked than in the movie) is completely and utterly freaking out since the Beast hates anything and everything (and she outright hates the Beast, despite in the movie trying to convince Belle that he’s not that bad a guy) and she’s also allergic to birds.

So naturally, Belle decides to hide the bird inside the dresser, and for some reason the Beast can smell the bird. The dresser assures him that it’s merely her sock drawer, and that she’s been meaning to air it out. Way to keep it classy, Disney.

Belle...do you ever feel...not so fresh? Down there?

The side plot for this episode is that Cogsworth is upset he’s being ignored by everyone in the castle since he has a stick up his ass, and everyone listens to Mrs. Potts instantly since all old ladies are immediately seen as being nice and benevolent in Disney films. (Except for Lady Tremaine, the lady who owned the Siamese cats in Lady and the Tramp, Cruella DeVil, etc.)

Belle is horrible at keeping the bird a secret and of course the Beast finds out, chasing it around and trying to murder it. He falls down the stairs and the bird sings for him, and he comments on how beautiful it is, since despite being in his teens to early 20s, has never heard a bird singing before. He has a bipolar episode and suddenly loves the bird, then abducts it and cages it and tries to force it to sing for him. Belle protests, but he growls ‘it’s no longer your concern’, echoing the line in the movie where Belle’s father pleads for her life. For some reason, it doesn’t have the same emotional weight here. I wonder why.

Belle has a hard time convincing the Beast that if he cages a bird and yells at it all day, it’s not gonna want to sing for him. Cogsworth continues to act like a whiny little bitch, and in true Disney fashion, his side plot is never truly rectified. The Beast has a change of heart and lets the bird go (the parallels are not working, stop trying) and he has to crawl out onto the roof to try and save the bird from collapsing since his wing wasn’t fully well yet.

But of course, you all can guess what happens next. The Beast shows he has a heart for two seconds, the bird flies off, and when he comes back he suddenly has a girlfriend. (I have to give this one credit, though – at least the bird doesn’t talk.)

Well, it's better than Glee.

 

Overview

I dislike this film because it pretty much changed one of the greatest films of the Disney Renaissance into a moral-stuffed, “let’s-be-nice”, embarrassing kids’ film that only a Disney sequel can pull off this horribly. In the original film, you’re taught that you can learn to love someone without focusing on appearances, that true worth is found within. Yet that film can do it WITHOUT being preachy and tying the moral to a brick and throwing it at your face.

Also, the Beast was a jerk in the original film, but not THIS much. In this movie, he has severe mood swings, he tries to cause physical harm to everything in his path, and he can’t survive the smallest of inconveniences without snarling and roaring. He’s outright abusive, and for the part of the Disney fanbase that claim the Beast used Stockholm Syndrome and abusive tactics to get Belle to love him, this isn’t helping. And how can the Beast be THIS much of a child? Yes he’s young, but he’s supposed to be more mature than your average two year old who doesn’t know to share his toys and not throw a temper tantrum over not having your juice and cookies now now NOW!

This film was entirely unnecessary, yet I do own it for collection purposes. I give it a 2/5; it would’ve earned a 1 if not for the fact that they at least got the original cast, as well as some of my favorite voice actors. If you were a fan of the original film, stay away from this one. The animation is bad, the songs are lackluster, and you’ll find yourself wishing that you were watching anything else, even Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas. The sad part is I’m not kidding.

TWO HEARTBROKEN TOASTERS OUT OF FIVE!