This month, ath-a-letes from all relevant parts of the globe will once again come together to celebrate the spirit of the eternal burning flame of competition, and more importantly, to celebrate the spirit of bringing tourism revenue to a specially selected selfish major city. This year, it's London! And, once again, Nintendo and Sega (well, okay, mostly Sega) have decided that the most effective representation of the diversity of this gathering, bringing together nations from all over the world, is to replace that diverse array of nations from all over the world entirely, and replace them with a broad-but-cuddly Italian stereotype and a woefully inaccurate drawing of a hedgehog. And, while you could easily give in and shell out money for the catchily titled Mario and Sonic at the London 2012 Olympic Games if you wanted to see who would win at, um, hurdling, and pot-addled swimming, and whatever else it is they do at the Summer Olympics.....wouldn't it be more fun to find out who would win in a duel of movies, for free? Here, in the first of a two-part series, I take a look back to the year 1993, when Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo were chosen, against all logic, to play the Super Mario Bros.!
Of course, to any not-overly-young fan of the Mario games, this film lives on in infamy. Everyone knows that it's a completely inaccurate representation of the games and therefore worthy of scorn! Well, except for Shigeru Miyamoto, of all people, who thinks if anything it tried to get too close to the games, but he was probably high, on drugs, at that time, so let's disregard him. Even the stars of the film hated it, you know! Bob Hoskins regards the film as the single worst thing he's ever done, and please bear in mind that he was also in Son of the Mask. Dennis Hopper, despite getting the theoretically awesome role of King Koopa, also looked back on his experience with the film with disappointment, anger, and terror, directing special ire at husband-and-wife directorial team Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel. But maybe Denny was just jealous, for his relationships inevitably ended in despair. Maybe EVERYBODY is being unnecessarily bitter here, like a shoddily concocted marmalade, perhaps. Isn't it only fair that, like anything else in the world, this film deserves a second chance? An "extra life", if you will? (Please do.)
